


Too Much is Falling

by gayspaceelf



Series: Old Lands, New Frontiers [3]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Non Canon Compliant Backstory, Pre-Relationship, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:50:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9052285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayspaceelf/pseuds/gayspaceelf
Summary: Mel is willing, and Mel is eager, and as Sole pushes him against the alley wall, he lets out a groan that is equal parts endearing and terrifying.
 A trans male Sole Survivor tries to make sense of the Commonwealth. Contains a non-default Sole Survivor with a non-canon compliant backstory, prosthetics, and a lot of emotional trauma





	

Mel is willing, and Mel is eager, and as Sole pushes him against the alley wall, he lets out a groan that is equal parts endearing and terrifying.

Sole’s legs are shaking, and it’s partly the cold, and partly because he has no idea what to do. The air is a crisp and still mid autumn one, and the warm red light from the neon sign the next alley over only makes it feel colder. And the light makes every movement feel bigger, makes the shadows against Mel glances at him through half shut eyes, lips parted in invitation, and Sole hesitates for just one moment before pressing their lips together.

Mel’s mouth is open when they kiss and Sole represses a shudder at how intimate it feels, then runs his metal hand tentatively down Mel’s cheek, closing his eyes, and leaning further in. He can’t feel anything with that hand, but it’s enough to imagine how soft, soft, soft Mel’s skin is under his touch, to think about how it must feel as metal gently brushes his cheek. He only has a moment to think about it though. Mel’s hands tangle in his hair, twisting his fingers in the dark curls as he pulls Sole into him, noses bumping as he does so. Sole half gives a grimace of pain, but he doesn’t have time, because almost instantly Mel is devouring him, hands moving from his hair to his neck to his shoulders, teeth brushing around his bottom lip. As the teeth move from his lips to his neck- biting down hard enough Sole is sure he’s going to bruise deep purple- and then back to his lip again, Sole wills himself to forget the past for a moment, to just live in the present.

There’s a flash of light from the end of the alley, warm and stark and harsh and yellow. They both flinch, hip bones leaning into each other awkwardly from where they pressed up against each other a moment earlier, shaking with the strain to keep mostly still. The teeth around Sole’s bottom lip are painful now, where they were pleasant before, and Sole has never been more desperate to move than he is right now.

The Diamond City night watch must have something better to do, because a few agonizing moments later, the beam of light moves away, Mel lets go of his bottom lip, and Sole lets out a sigh of relief. 

Something in the dim neon catches on Mel’s eyes and something catches in Sole’s chest. 

He decides to live in the present, just for a while, and gets down on his knees.

\---

The only time he sees Mel after the Big Dig, it’s on a road between Cambridge and Concord that’s almost rotted away to nothing, Mel looks at Sole like he’s the worst thing to ever happen to him.

And maybe he is.

“Mel”, he says. “Mel. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Mel looks at him from where he’s stopped, maintaining a buffer zone between the two of them, his eyes sharp and cold. Something in Sole’s gut sinks.

They don’t say or do anything for a while, just stand there in almost silence, the only sounds the wind in the almost barren trees, and the buzzing of the eyebot behind Mel. Sole can’t maintain eye contact, instead trailing his gaze over the bot, naming each part he can see as he goes. He was good at that once, he remembers; putting robots together, twirling a soldering iron between his fingers like it was a paintbrush. But he’s had neither cause nor desire to make anything since the War.

Mel breaks the silence.

“I don’t want to talk to you. Now or ever again.”

\---  
He dreams of his wife that night, leaning into him on the couch, laughing at a joke he knows he told, but doesn’t remember. She looks at him and her eyes are wide and lively and glimmering with hope, and the sinking feeling he feels in his heart means he instinctively knows it isn’t real.

“Caroline”, he begins, and even in the dream, his throat seems to swell with the weight of what he’s seen, and he can barely get the words out. “ _Caroline._ ”

She moves closer, her lips parted just ever so slightly, her eyelashes fluttering. Sole can smell her lipstick, a sweet artificial cherry scent that makes his stomach churn. But even as she moves closer, until their faces are millimeters apart, he can’t hear or feel her breathing.

For a second, he’s painfully aware of how wide her shoulders are, broad and muscular from carrying supplies in the field. She, he remarks with an almost absence of emotion, was a stronger, more resourceful person than he could ever hope to be. It’s easy to admit now and here, when she’s close to him again. His lashes tickle his skin as he closes his eyes, leaning in towards her, and all he can think about is how soft her lips will feel against his chapped, rough ones.

There are a few millimeters between their lips when he realises something is wrong.

He pulls away, his eyes shooting open, and the cherry is no longer sweet, but sickly, clogging the air. By the time she opens her eyes, raising one perfectly groomed eyebrow at him, his heart is racing.

“Caroline”, he murmurs, his voice so soft its seem less like her name, and more like a prayer. She is better than him, and his heart throbs as he turns this fact over in his mind like a stone in his hands. She is stronger and smarter and tougher than him. She should be the one out looking for their son. She would have found him by now.

“Yeah Honey?” she asks, and Sole can’t say anything. 

Somewhere outside, a dog barks. 

“Caroline, _I love you_ ”, he manages to break out, and the way Caroline looks at him makes assume he’s wild eyed and terrified, before he remembers.

“Ray?” she asks, “Ray honey, what’s wrong?”

He wakes up drenched in sweat, on a mattress in a long abandoned house. As he turns to look around the room, Dogmeat perks up his ears, and barks at Sole happily. 

-

Before the world burnt, Sole had been convinced it was already burning.

It was laughable in hindsight, but his paranoia at least gave him some advantage. The lump under the skin at Sole’s hip is unsightly, and he has no idea how long it’ll be before it leaks, but, for now, it at least spares him from an endless search for vials of ethanate. 

Nick notices. As his artificial fingers trail over Sole and feel it under his skin, his eyebrows raise as best they can. But he says nothing, and Sole is grateful for it. He cups Nick’s face with his hands, looking directly into the bright lights of his eyes for as long as he can, trying to resist the urge to reach out to the exposed wires of Nick’s neck and toy with them between his fingers. He could make an excuse, he’s sure. Diagnostics, a system check, something or another. Sole purses his lips, although he’s barely aware of it, his glasses slipping slightly down his nose with the movement as he edges closer, then closer.

“Nick?”

There’s a pause, and then an answer.

“Yes?”

Sole breaks his gaze, and looks down to the floor, corners of his mouth pulled into an almost smile. 

He doesn’t look up when he speaks again.


End file.
